Ellipsis

Dear Turnip,

Yes, you. Maybe this time it might not be the “you” we’re talking about but a different you. So as long as the shoe fits, lace that sucker up.

Maybe you already know that I’m liking you, but maybe you don’t.

I really don’t like you. The reason I say I don’t like you isn’t because I truly dislike you. It’s because I wish I didn’t like you as much as I do. I’m crazy about you in actuality.

I’ve always been good at avoiding catching feelings because I’d rather save my heart from the heartache. Then you came around and liking you is completely inevitable. I hate to find myself in this position. I’ll admit I’m extremely scared and trying to fight these feelings. It feels like liking you may even be one of the deadly sins because I know It’ll only end up devastating for me. Wasn’t the first few heartaches enough for me to learn my lessons? I guess not huh?

I avoid liking you because I feel like I will never be enough for you, or I’ll never meet the standards you require. It’s so hard not to fall for you, whenever I look at you I know God made you, and he made a work of art when he made you. Even though every now and then I question on why the earth he created you, you’re still a work of art. Your smile might be the most addictive drug to me. It’s all about the way you laugh when you’re amused, to seeing the determination you have when you’re passionate about something (I’m talking about not just food here). It’s all so beautiful.

I have no idea how you feel towards me. Some days it feels like you feel what I feel. Some days you are the total opposite of what I have just said. like.. WTF dude? I just don’t want to be the idiot girl who leads herself on, and blames the guys for being kind to her. You get me?

I don’t expect anything from you. I can’t. These are my feeling, even if they’re feelings I don’t necessarily want. I’ll learn to live with them

I’m going to push my feelings to the side and make sure you never know of this, why? Because I respect you. I don’t want to ruin this. Neither do I want you to look at me any differently if you don’t feel the same way. What we have is an amazing thing. You’re always here to listen to me complain about my day and uplift me… most of the time. If I am ever conflicted with something you always know the right things to say, and you share your wisdom with me. How couldn’t I like you? It’s nearly impossible.

But now… As circumstances gives it. I’m willing to sacrifice everything we have for the sake of not liking you. I’m willing to lose everything I have with you so that I can’t catch what I’m already experiencing. I don’t want to hurt myself. And maybe because, I’m afraid of what you might say when you find out. Besides, sacrifice is the language of love.

So now I’m stuck. Stuck at this dumb crossroad asking myself what I should do. What should I do? Do I simply forget this? or…

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