Open letter to Him

I thought I knew everything there was to know about it.

Always carry a condom and never get pregnant, but I guess what I needed more than a dental dam was a mental dam because, I just cannot stop thinking about you. People love to talk about how to avoid STD’s of the physical kind but nobody likes to talk about the STD’s that can destroy your mind. The ones that can have you tossing and turning at three in the morning, raking your brain and constantly wondering…

“WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM?

Was this suppose to be a one time thing or my favorite one,

“HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID TO LET HIM IN?”

My mom told me that my body is a temple, so never let a man in that doesn’t make the proper time to worship you, because you are a goddess truly worth sacrificing for. And I only wished I had taken the time to listen to her more often, but instead I choose to listen to you. That would’ve been okay if it weren’t for the fact that your love for me was untrue. Because you like someone else when you said you love me too. Your deception turned into matter of perception and everything started to feel fifty question but except at the end of the day I was still left guessing and this asshole kept testing my patience. But my momma said patience is a virtue, and you said “baby I’d never want to hurt you” But you did.

You fucked me over and left my brain impregnated with your bastard babies called memories. It was all fun and games, when I let you up in me but now you wouldn’t even take the joint custody. It took all but two text to get you through my door, but let me text about some feelings…

just an honest Why? 

Because I will never let myself be reduced to some two in the morning whore creeping through some dusty old windows and sneaking through back doors. I will never let myself reduce to some side-chick, just another side-dish at some kitchen table for you to pick at while you wait for your main entree to just being your other bitch.

I am a person, I have feelings and emotions that has a right to be protected and just by having a vagina and two tits do not make me any less deserving of your time or someone to be disrespected. So if you’re to choose to be with her over me, well I guess you have to do what’s best then. And I guess I just wish we had taken the time to use both mental and physical protection and had a conversation about what this all really meant before we did it.

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